#InfertilitySucks

We told ourselves when we first started this blog that we were going to keep things upbeat and not dwell on the negativity of our situation.  We didn’t want our posts to be invitations to a pity party.  We read posts with #InfertiltySucks and decided we didn’t want to beat down our readers, or ourselves, with that message.  But you know what?  Infertility does suck.  And if I’m going to be real about what we’re going through, then I need to tell you about those days when everything hits like a ton of bricks. Today was one of those days.

Brennen and I researched the heck out of IVF and the reproductive cycle when we first started fertility treatments in late 2015.  We know more than we ever thought we would know about hormones, sperm, ovaries, eggs, embryos, etc. Moving into this next phase of our journey, we decided that first and foremost we need to get our bodies ready for reproduction before jumping into another round of IVF.  The way we see it, when you’ve been labeled with “unexplained infertility” like we have, IVF is an expensive, emotional shot in the dark, so we need to do what we can do to shine a little light.  So we’ve been researching! The plan is to take lots of vitamins, look into my endometriosis, and maybe try some acupuncture and other Eastern Medicine treatments.

So here we are with vitamins lined up on our counter and neatly arranged in my pill organizer, my case file ready to submit to the endometriosis center in Atlanta, and “The Infertility Cure” already worn in with dog-eared pages and highlights.  We’ve read articles and books all along the way for the past year and had numerous discussions with our doctor, but no matter how helpful, they all have a common theme – fix Breanne. Then it hits me.  Everything in our plan to get our bodies ready really means getting my body ready.

I’m the one with endometriosis plaguing my body. I’m the one who may have to undergo excision surgery.

I’m the one with the elevated Prolactin. I’m the one with the “fair” FSH levels.

I’m the one with bad eggs. I’m the one who takes three times as many vitamins, will go see an acupuncturist, and needs to change my diet to improve them.

I’m the one that caused us to have bad embryos.

I’m the one who couldn’t keep our one transferred embryo safe.

I’m the one…that’s broken.


I wrote that first part of the post this afternoon. It’s been sitting on my computer for hours while I contemplated what to say, how to wrap it up, and if I should even post it.  On the brink of a trip to Memphis for a second opinion and a second round of treatments,  my thoughts are weighing heavy.  Again, I’m not looking for a pity party.  I just want people to know it sucks. If I had waited until tomorrow, then maybe I could have ended this post on a high note, but today…I can’t. So I’ll just end with this… #InfertilitySucks .

 

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18 thoughts on “#InfertilitySucks

  1. Lindsay says:

    Hey! I’m Lindsay and live in Pearl.. I found your blog through Facebook somehow. Infertility really does suck and all I can say is don’t give up. I had stage 4 endo and now have two babies after ttc for 3 years (2.5 yo adopted daughter and 17 mo biological son). I certainly know how it feels and think you’re entitled to a pity party every now and then. Because it does suck and it’s not fair. Just wanted to say I’ll be praying for y’all and especially for your upcoming trip!

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    • HEather Hatton says:

      Oh Please don’t ever give up hope. We tried for 4.5 years and had 4 miscarriages. We did IVF with PGD testing to pick the ” normal” embryos and after retrieving 19 eggs only 2 made it to the actual stage to be sent off to be tested. Waited 6 weeks only to get the call that they were abnormal and unable to be transferred. 8 months later- no fertility- or mess we were miraculously pregnant s d let me tell you my eggs were not good either. I was 38. God is more powerful than anything you can understand or imagine. Now we have a 10 month old precious baby girl and we are STILL in shock. I would also e corsage you to do the Henetic counsel screening too!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Amanda says:

    Sometimes you just have to say it. Infertility sucks. Some days you feel better, others you don’t. Don’t feel like you have to stuff your feelings. You have support for the good days and the bad!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. TMM says:

    We got pregnant with twins with severe endometriosis and PCOS through Fertility Associates of Memphis. They were fantastic. Just thought I’d provide a little hope!

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  4. AnnaKBush says:

    This is so real. The feeling of being-brokeness is absolutely a big deal and MUST be acknowledged. Giving yourself permission to feel like this is so important, so healthy. I know this was really hard to write and put out, but its good that you did.
    I am praying for you – specifically – that you can learn to love and accept your body. I’m still learning how to do that, so I don’t have a lot of great tips or tricks. It doesn’t get easier with a “happy ending”, it just gets different.
    You are made in His image, and He knows your babies’ birthdays.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Debbie Eubanks says:

    I know you and Brennen feel discouraged and sad …and y’all have the right to feel that way because like you said “Infertility does suck!!” But then you pick yourselves up and remember that God has this and whatever He has planned for y’all… will be awesome!!! I think y’all would be GREAT parents and I will b praying for you and Brennen!!

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  6. infertilityhurtsblog says:

    I hear ya! I’m taking a ton of vitamins as well. Stage 4 endo. Low ovarian reserve. Elevated FSH, etc…. Have done multiple related surgeries. Dealing with infertility for 0ver 10 years with an unsupportive husband who only tells me he loves me but no action taken to help me. I understand every single feeling you have hon!

    Like

  7. Ariadne's String says:

    *Hugs*

    I’m so sorry that you are hurting. Let me just tell you that I have been there…I am living this every single day, and it sucks. Remember that you are not alone in this. So many people want you to find your joy. Good luck on your journey.

    Like

  8. thevirejourney says:

    Hey Breanne. I found your blog by searching infertility. My husband and I are also facing the challenges that come with finding out we are not able to have our own children without a miracle. We just wanted to write and tell you that we get you. We understand. We appreciate your honesty and I appreciate you sharing your deepest most precious thoughts on such a personal struggle. My husband Josh and I will be keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. We believe in miracles and we will be hopeful for you to have yours. Blessings!

    Like

  9. infertilityamy says:

    Thank you for being so honest. It does suck and once all of my husbands test came back normal I felt the same way. I’m the broken one. It’s my fault. It’s so hard to accept. Sending you lots of baby dust and good vibes!!

    Like

  10. Jenny says:

    I’ve been there. It is very hard knowing there’s something not normal about your body and there’s nothing they can do to fix it. We were never able to conceive. My AMH levels were as low as a woman without ovaries and that was 6 years ago. Now I’m dealing with early premenopause and my friends are all on their 3rd children. I’m just trying to move on now.

    Like

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