Canceled

My phone rang yesterday around 2:00.  It was Memphis.  “That’s odd,” I thought as I answered.  The next few seconds were fuzzy.  I can’t remember exactly what the nurse said.  The only word that I processed was the one I scribbled down on the Post-it note I grabbed off my desk – “CANCELED.”

After a pause, I woke up from my brief fog, asked the questions I needed answered, and jotted down much better notes.  In a nutshell, my prolactin level is too high to proceed with the transfer.  We’ve known since we first started fertility treatments that I have an elevated prolactin level, but we don’t know why.  I even had an MRI back in 2015 to see if I had a pituitary gland tumor, which I didn’t. Thank goodness.  So now, I’ve stopped taking the Estradiol since this transfer cycle is over and am on Cabergoline (again) to lower my prolactin.   In a month, I’ll have another blood test done to see if it has dropped.  In the meantime, my doctor will let me begin birth control for down regulation (again) once I start my cycle.  The timing should work out to where my repeated prolactin test will take place just before my baseline ultrasound (three days after stopping birth control).  If the level is high…another cancellation.  But if it’s back to normal, I can proceed with the Estradiol (again) and then onward to the transfer.

After all that sunk in, how did we feel? Well, pretty freaking annoyed.  This isn’t fair. Never has been. Never will be.  And what next? I mean, really, what the hell? It feels like a stale story line on Grey’s Anatomy, sans plane crashes.  But after letting out a few choice phrases and grunts of frustration, I tried to find the silver lining (because let’s be honest, I need those silver linings to get through this).  If something is wrong, I don’t want to move forward; so I’m thankful my doctor is being cautious with my elevated levels.  We can’t risk a precious embryo if my body isn’t ready.  And after I thought about it, I realized my mind wasn’t ready either.  I have been so unbelievably nervous about this transfer. After all, it’s our third, and the third time seems like so many more times than the second.  I’ve woken up sick in the middle of the night twice this week; Brennen chalked it up to nerves.  I’ve had heartburn out of this world! And for the most part, I’ve been…blah, for lack of a better term.  Tuesday night, Brennen wanted to shake me out of my slump.  Literally, he told me he wanted to shake me! I had also been dreading the pregnancy test, which would have been the weekend of Mother’s Day.  I don’t think I even need to explain my reasoning behind that one.  So I guess if I’m looking for that silver lining and trying to convince myself this postponement is for the best, once I get past the frustration, there is a little relief.  An extra month (and hopefully that’s all) gives me some time to get my mind and my body right.

For the next few weeks, we’ll take a break from the blog and all things infertility, except the daily pre-natal and the twice-a-week Cabergoline.  We’ll plant our crops for the year in our suburban garden, finally get those Christmas decorations back in the attic, and celebrate my 30th birthday (maybe at the beach hint, hint).  Until then, please pray for a happy mind, a happy body, and a much lower prolactin. See you on the other side of 30!

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7 thoughts on “Canceled

  1. delayedbutnotdeniedblog says:

    I’m sorry to learn about the cancellation.

    I, too, have a high history of prolactin. I believe my is related to my history of a low functioning thyroid gland. High prolactin is a symptom of hypothyroidism. My MRI was in January and was likewise negative for any tumors. Glory to God. I just learned recently that vitamin B6 lowers prolactin.

    As a person five years deep into the 30 club, welcome to the 30 Club!

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  2. AKL says:

    I also tested high for prolactin but my doctor explained it is affected by poly-cystic ovary syndrome. Also I have an under active thyroid so maybe that’s got something to do with it. I took some meds to bring it down and then it was fine (apparently). Hopefully you can get yours resolved soon too.

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  3. egglessnest says:

    I am so sorry. I’ve been following your blog for a while now, and so much of your story feels familiar to me, although you’ve been through many more obstacles than I ever did. I truly understand finding the silver lining in these things though, and bravo to you for doing so. Mother’s Day is going to be painful, no matter what, but mother’s day with a possible negative would be the worst! I hope that prolactin comes down and you feel more prepared emotionally this next go around. Good luck!

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  4. B&V&L&R says:

    With you! Trying to find joy and make the best of the life that’s in front of me right now. With Mother’s Day coming up, so many conflicting feelings come with that, as well. But trying to focus on the Mothers in my life who’ve given me so much love & support & guidance … trying to stay in the optimism that someday I’ll be able to give that to someone, too. WE WILL be able to give that gift …

    Wishing you a blessed Birthday. 30s are the BEST years. 🙏🏽💗😊 Sending love & prayers your way.

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  5. B&V&L&R says:

    Thinking of you & Brennen, as we do often! Sending prayers & good thoughts your way. 💗 Got our results from PGD about 2 weeks ago – none of our little embryos survived … the heartache can only be eased by the loving support of those we love & the faith that God is guiding our path … we’re on this road with you! Staying strong… ❤️

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