Well…today was my lining check. I had been so nervous about this date with “Wanda,” especially after last month’s cancellation. As the ultrasound tech began doing her thing, I took a deep breath and stared at the monitor so hard, as if I could somehow make the image of a thick uterine lining magically appear with my mind. Then, there it was. I saw the three layers and said, “Hey Brennen, it’s a pretty a lining!” The tech laughed and joked that she could probably turn the tools over to us at this point. We’re vets. Then, she dragged the pointer across the screen to get the measurements. “How thick is it?” I nervously asked. “About 7.” UGH!
We left our appointment so freakin’ frustrated. As I was driving back to work, I called Brennen (even though I had just seen him 2 minutes ago), and for the first time in this whole process I said, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” I wanted to give up. At that moment, I felt like this would never work. The anger continued to swell up inside me and came out in phrases like, “This isn’t going to happen,” and “Forget it! I’m done.” In the past when we met a hurdle, we were able to push through it with positivity, but this afternoon I was like, screw positivity. I didn’t want to be positive. I didn’t feel like pushing through. I just wanted to throw my hands up. What the heck, uterus? I had to quickly get off the phone with Brennen before I broke down in tears. I honestly don’t remember if he ever even said anything on the other end of the line. He just let me have my moment of justified frustration.
The day dragged on. My frustration eventually subsided…somewhat, and I was on pins and needles waiting to hear from Memphis. I knew the lining measurement wasn’t where it needed to be, so I was ready to hear the word “postponed” and move on. Memphis finally called at 3:09. I didn’t want to hear the nurse say it so I went ahead and offered up a “So that lining wasn’t so great, huh?” She agreed. And guess what…transfer postponed.
I’ll continue to take Estrace three times a day for another week, along with Lupron, which should keep me from ovulating. SHOULD! Then, next Wednesday, I’ll be in Memphis for blood work and another lining check. Unfortunately Brennen can’t make it to this appointment because he has a business trip to Boston. But my mom has offered to go with me (thanks, Mom!), which means we’ll probably be making a stop at Ikea and the Pottery Barn Outlet before heading back to Mississippi.
So now we’re looking at a transfer on August 21st, a week from our original date. But hey, a postponement is better than a cancellation, right? Okay, so maybe I’ve accepted some positivity since my morning rant…but that doesn’t mean I’m not still pissed at my uterus!