This past May, I celebrated my last 20-something birthday. My mom and mother-in-law kept asking for a birthday list; but, honestly and much to everyone’s surprise, I couldn’t come up with a single thing to ask for. When you’re turning 29, can’t get pregnant, and you’re knocking on the door of IVF, it puts things into perspective. I didn’t want a new purse or jewelry or any expensive gift. I wanted to get pregnant. That was the only thing on my list. That was my wish.
Now, another reality check, but this time it’s different. Over the past week, my longing for a child hasn’t diminished, but it’s been put into a new perspective by the tragedy that has struck Louisiana. Yesterday morning on the drive to work, I heard that the death toll is now at 13 and is expected to rise. I’ve seen pictures of families boating down their streets leaving behind their houses, their belongings, and their memories. I watched a video on Facebook of a man tearing open the roof of a car to rescue a woman and her dog. A lot of people say they can’t imagine what Brennen and I are going through right now, but we can’t imagine what these flood victims must be feeling. To face a tragedy like our neighbors in Louisiana are experiencing is a devastation I don’t know.
Often times when you suffer with infertility, you tend to get lost in your despair. I’ve done it. It’s easy to do with all that is involved emotionally, physically, and financially. It’s hard to put into words how you can mourn for something you’ve never had, miss someone you’ve never held, and love someone you’ve never met. But you do. And when you mourn and miss and love so much all at once, you’re overwhelmed with a feeling of hopelessness. I’ve been there. But sometimes, we need a break from our own struggle and should do what we can to turn that negative energy into something positive. We all should realize how much we have to be thankful for in this very moment. As I watched that poor puppy in the video almost drown, I held my puppy Nelson a little tighter. I ate dinner with my husband without the TV as background noise, so I could just enjoy his presence. I talked to my mom and sister on the phone about nothing really – just to talk.
I guess what I’m saying is that we all have our struggles. And depending on how you look at them, some are worse than others. But a lot of it depends on your perspective. So this week for me, I chose not to be so heavy laden about not being a mother. I chose to be thankful. Even though we don’t have a child, are unsure about whether or not we ever will, and still have a tough road ahead of us, for right now, we’re just going to stop and be thankful for what we do have. We’re not promised tomorrow, but we have so much to be thankful for today.
Our thoughts and prayers go out to all the families affected by the flooding in Louisiana. If you’re able to give anything to these people whether it’s prayers, funds, time, or whatever, we hope you find it in your heart to do so.