A Time to Chill

Today, we received wonderful news!

During Round 1, we had 9 embryos on transfer day and transferred one.  The next day, we got the call that the other 8 did not divide and grow correctly and were not viable.  It was heartbreaking news, and since the start of Round 2, our main concern has not been whether or not I’ll get pregnant but whether or not we can make viable embryos. See, we had been told that our poor embryo quality was likely the result of my poor egg quality.  And after Round 1, we thought that I couldn’t produce enough eggs in an IVF cycle to give us a chance of getting a “good embryo.”  Obviously, that concern was put to rest when Round 2 produced a whopping 41 eggs, 26 of which were mature and ready to be fertilized.  So naturally, we felt like the next bridge to cross was to still have healthy embryos to freeze on Day 5.

Well, Day 5 was yesterday, and as Brennen said in his post , our embryos were slow growers and weren’t quite ready to freeze yesterday morning.  So we had to struggle through just one more sleepless night.

My phone rang this morning around 11:00, and we jumped.  Brennen muted the Law and Order: SVU marathon that we had been using to preoccupy our minds and left the room.  We had decided that if we didn’t have any embryos left, I wanted the news to come from him, not the embryologist.  If you know Brennen, you know he has a pretty large voice for a pretty little guy.  I heard a “That’s fantastic!”, and a few seconds later, Brennen emerged with tears in his eyes and the biggest smile on his face.  He hung up the phone and told me the magic number.  Then, he grabbed me, hugged me tightly, and told me he loved me.

Brennen and I have shared so much of our infertility journey publicly.  Like we’ve said all along, it has been our therapy and part of our healing process.  Through this blog, we’ve really tried to convey the realness of this struggle so that those who have never suffered with infertility can understand the heartbreak, and those that have can find strength and solace in our story.  But now, we’ve come to a part of our story that we’ve decided to keep to ourselves – our frozen embryo count.

Before we began IVF, Brennen and I talked about the ethical dilemmas involved in the process.  In fact, prior to both our IVF cycles, we had to fill out fairly extensive paperwork on what to do in the event of our deaths, divorce, and all sorts of situations that would put our embryos’ fates in question.  We talked and prayed earnestly about it and are comfortable in all the decisions we have made so far and in the path we have laid out for the rest of our journey.  However, in such sensitive circumstances, we would like to shield ourselves as best we can from any judgment. That’s why we’ve decided to remain private about this aspect of our story.  Just know that we are good people, will be good parents, and all our little embryos will have a purpose.

A final thought – We still have not decided if we’ll transfer one or two embryos, although the majority of our family is campaigning for two.  It’s funny because we used to have to field the question “When are you gonna have a baby?”.  Now, it’s “How many are you gonna put in?”  We’ll decide on that later.  For now, we’re just gonna do what our little embryos are doing and chill.